Where You Are
by pinkstranger
Summary: COMPLETE After losing Shepard, Kaidan has to learn to cope with the new responsibilities thrust upon his shoulders. But what if he couldn't handle it? What if all he wanted was to be with Shepard, no matter where she was?
1. Chapter 1

**Where You Are**

**Pinkstranger**

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything or anyone from Mass Effect; they belong to the wonderful Bioware people, whom I thank whole heartedly for such an awesome game to take up my free time. LOL_

_Author Note: This is just a small three part story that I've been toying around with for a while. I finally decided to share it with everyone else after I read Evil Sapphyre's "Heaven Sent". If you haven't read that one, I suggest you do. Anyway… hope you all like it._

_Rated M for suicidal tendencies and sexual content._

**Chapter 1**

Kaidan threw himself down onto his bed, if had been another long day of endless meetings. He couldn't be happier to be 'home''; not to mention that he felt the beginning of a migraine pounding behind his eyes.

Slowly he sat up and reached for his migraine medicine the movement causing the holoframe on his nightstand to flicker to life. Kaidan froze as he stared at the bright blue eyes of a love long gone, Alexis Shepard.

He quickly forgot about his migraine as the pain in his head was overshadowed by the pain in his chest. He gently picked up the holoframe and traced the outline of her face with his thumb.

"Alexis." He whispered in his raspy baritone voice. "I miss you. I wish you were here right now. No one believes us about the reapers. How can I convince the council without you?"

She had been gone for six months, six extremely long months, yet it still felt like he had lost her yesterday. He could still smell her perfume, taste her lips, and feel her hands on his skin anytime he closed his eyes.

"It's not fair!" Kaidan yelled into the darkness of his empty bedroom. He was suddenly engulfed in a blue aura as he anger quickly boiled over. "She had so much left to do! The galaxy still needs Commander Shepard! _I_ still need _Alexis_!"

Kaidan noticed the objects swirling around the room, and took a few deep breaths trying to calm himself down. His biotics muted to a low hum and the objects fell the floor. He was going to have a mess to clean up in the morning.

"Damnit!" Kaidan hissed as his migraine hit full force. He gently rubbed his temple as he sat the holoframe back in its place on the nightstand and grabbed his medicine. He could feel his pulse pounding at his temple as his vision began to grow blurry. _Why do I put myself through this?_ He silently wondered as he prepped the hyponeedle.

He glanced at the holoframe once again before slamming his eyes shut against the pain. Without a second thought he blindly fiddled with the hyponeedle before injecting himself in the thigh. After a few moments the world began to spin violently as his already blurred vision began to tunnel. He focused on Alexis' brilliant eyes as breathing became harder and harder. _I'm coming Alexis, wait for me._ Kaidan thought as everything went black.

Kaidan was still in a foggy darkness as he felt a gentle hand on his cheek. "Kaidan... Kaidan, wake up. Look at me." His eyes flew open as he recognized _her_ voice.

"Alexis?" He gasped as his whiskey eyes met her sky blue ones. She smiled at him. "Alexis! I've missed you so much!" Instantly he pulled her against him as he lay on the ground. She sank deeply into his embrace, enjoying the feel of his arms around her again.

"Why Kaidan?" She cried into his shoulder. He didn't even pretend to not understand what she was talking about.

"Because I couldn't go on." He shook his head at himself. "I sat through endless meetings trying to convince the council that the reapers are real only to be told that you were crazy. I was even warned that I could be considered unstable. Lex, they could have locked me up saying that my implants finally drove me over the edge. What was I supposed to do?"

Alexis pulled herself out his arms and sat up. She stared at him, her eyes burning. "Damnit Kaidan! You keep fighting! That's what you're supposed to do! Keep fighting!" She pounded a fist into his chest as she spoke.

"I'm not you Alexis!" Kaidan sat up as well, for the first time taking notice of his surroundings. They sat in the middle of a green grassy meadow, with clear blue skies. The sun was shining brightly and a light breeze gently blew around them. Even though he was sitting on the ground, he found he was not uncomfortable. In fact it was no different than if he had been sitting on a bed. It was really a beautiful place.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alexis snapped. Her angry tone broke into his silent observations.

"I can't carry the weight of the galaxy alone Alexis." He replied quietly as he locked eyes with her again. "I can't do this without you." Her eyes softened as she placed a hand on his cheek.

"Kaidan, you were always the strongest man that I ever knew. If anyone could have made it through this, it would have been you. I was always there with you." Kaidan captured her hand in his own and pressed a kiss into her palm.

"I know. I felt you all the time." Kaidan whispered. "I could feel you hand on my shoulder when I was frustrated, your kiss on my cheek when I was lonely, and just your presence during those meetings. I knew you were there."

"And here Ash said that you wouldn't be able to tell I was there." She smiled at him, her brilliant eyes twinkling with playfulness.

"You've seen Ash?"

"Yeah, she likes the beach, that's where she hangs out most of the time." Alexis chuckled. "But I prefer the meadow here. Growing up on the streets I never really had the chance to play in the grass. I love to lay here and run my hands over the ground. It's comforting."

Kaidan didn't reply, instead he pulled her to him once again as he claimed her soft lips. He felt her melt into his embrace and he deepened the kiss as his fingers entwined themselves into her golden locks. Her lips parted as a small moan escaped her throat. Kaidan took the opportunity and slipped his tongue into her mouth, savoring the familiar taste of her.

Alexis broke the kiss and sat up once again, lust burned brightly in her eyes. "Shirt, now." She ordered. Kaidan gave her a lopsided grin as he slid his t-shirt over his head, revealing his chiseled chest. Her hands were on his bare skin almost immediately, gently caressing his chest and abs. It was then that Kaidan noticed that Alexis was in a dress. He'd never seen her in a dress, or even a picture of her in one.

"You look great when you show off your legs." Kaidan beamed.

"You never got to see my feminine side, Kaidan." She chuckled. "I used to wear dresses and skirts anytime I wasn't on duty." Alexis then gently kissed Kaidan's neck, sending shivers down his spine.

They continued kissed and caressing each other on the soft ground, gently peeling away their remaining clothing until they both lay naked in each other's arms. Kaidan pulled Alexis' nude form against his body. "Aren't you worried that someone will see us? We are out in the open."

"This is my space Kaidan; no one can come onto the meadow unless I let them." She replied. "Everyone has their own ideals of the afterlife Kaidan. Mine is this meadow, it's calming and peaceful. Ashley prefers the beach, lounging around the water all day. You… You prefer to be anywhere that I am."

"Mmm… Can't argue with that." Kaidan laughed. "An eternity of this…" Kaidan trailed off as his arms wrapped tighter around her waist.

"It's about to get even better." Alexis grinned as she climbed on top of him. She kissed him passionately.

"Oh Alexis!" Kaidan moaned as she slowly lowered herself onto him.

"I've missed you Kaidan." She whispered in his ear as she started moving on him at an excruciatingly slow pace. Kaidan clenched his jaw, resisting the urge to grasp her waist to force her to move a bit faster.

"What are you doing to me, woman?" Kaidan ground out between his clenched teeth; even so Alexis knew he was enjoying himself. "Your slow movements are going to drive me insane."

"I know." She grinned.

"Are you testing my will?"

"Possibly." She replied as she began another slow decent.

"I don't have much left in me Alexis, you win." Kaidan grinned as he took hold of her, rolling her body beneath his own and burying himself deep within her.

"Kaidan!" Alexis cried out after he had established a steady rhythm.

"Stay with me Lex." Kaidan whispered against her ear before kissing his way across her cheek. "I love you." He whispered before he claimed her lips with his own, his tongue delving deep into her warm cavern. He felt her body tighten around him and he deepened the kiss as he felt his own release as well.

Tired and sated, the couple collapsed to the ground, again holding each other tightly. After a few moments Alexis sat up and looked into Kaidan's eyes. "I'm going to miss you Kaidan." She said sadly.

"What?" Kaidan sat up as well, panic rising in his chest. "What are you talking about Alexis? I'm right here! I'm not going anywhere!"

"You can't stay here Kaidan, it's not your time yet." She replied. Now sooner had she spoken than did Kaidan feel an electric shock course through his body. He fell to the ground again wincing against the pain, but maintaining eye contact with Alexis.

"I won't leave you again Alexis!" Kaidan cried out as already the perfect world around him began to fade. He felt another shock course through his body. "Please!"

"I love you too." Alexis said as a single tear streaked down her ivory colored face. "I'll always be here."

"No!" Kaidan fought to stay with her in focus, but his vision began to blacken. "Alexis!"

"Good-bye Kaidan." Her voice was the last thing he heard as the darkness consumed him again.

Kaidan's eyes fluttered open as he heard voices around him. As the room came into focus he noticed Councilor Anderson speaking with a doctor. Glancing around the room Kaidan quickly concluded he was at a hospital. He tried to move, but only caused his whole body to ache. He let out a low moan causing the two men to look in his direction.

"Good to see you awake Lieutenant." The doctor greeted him. "You've been unconscious for the better part of two days."

"What happened?" Kaidan rasped out.

"You must have had one heck of a migraine; you overdosed on your medication." The doctor explained. "Luckily one of your neighbors saw a flash of your biotics through your window. Thinking that you must have been attacked, she called c-sec. We were able to revive you."

"Sounds like I owe my nosy neighbor a 'Thank You'." Kaidan replied.

"You sure do." The doctor chuckled before looking to Anderson. "I'll leave you two alone then."

Kaidan watched as the doctor left the room and Anderson's dark eyes fell harshly onto Kaidan.

"Alenko, I know that you're hurting right now, but that doesn't excuse what you almost did the other day. The medical staff believes that you accidentally overdosed, and I'm inclined to let them think that. It doesn't do any of us any good if people think you're suicidal."

"Sir?"

"Alenko, you're being promoted and will be working directly for myself and Admiral Hackett. We need you to investigate any and all leads we have on the reapers. You can't do that if your mental stability is being questioned."

"Yes, Sir. I'm sorry Sir." Kaidan replied as his eyes fell to his lap.

"I know what it's like to lose a loved one Kaidan. You can't let this consume you. She wouldn't want that."

"I know Sir." Kaidan nodded.

"You really did love her, didn't you?" Anderson asked. Kaidan's gaze snapped up to the older man. "I knew all about you two a long time ago. I'm not condoning what you two did, but I respect the fact that you two remain professional until the very end."

"How…" Kaidan couldn't even form the whole sentence.

"The way you two looked at each other told me that something was there. Then Virmire happened and I knew… The way you defend her so passionately against the council only confirmed it." Anderson stated, but quickly continued upon seeing the panic rising in Kaidan's eyes. "I only caught on because of how well I knew Shepard. Your secret is safe."

"Thank you Sir." Kaidan visibly relaxed.

"They want to keep you here another night, just for observations. I'll send an escort here in the morning and we can get the paperwork in order for your promotion, Lieutenant Commander."

"That's going to take some getting used to." Kaidan sighed.

"It'll grow on you." Anderson nodded. "I'll see you at 1100 hours tomorrow."

"Thank you Sir." Kaidan weakly saluted before Anderson left the room. Kaidan sank back against the bed. "Why couldn't I have stayed?"

Kaidan felt something gently stroking his hand and a ghostly kiss on his cheek. He lightly smiled. "Don't worry Lex; I'm not going to do that again. I promise. I'll carry on and make you proud."

"I know you will." A gentle voice whispered in his ear. Then there was nothing, and Kaidan sat alone in the empty hospital room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to review and/or add me to their story alerts! It makes my day to know that people out there like what I have written. Huge THANK YOU's to the few people who Favorited this story or me! Always makes me happy!**

**I took a few liberties with the Horizon scene. I had to make it fit into my idea LOL Anyway hope it worked out... Although I'm still pissed that Kaidan walks away in the game and you can't find him again later. I seriously can't wait for ME3 so I can have some Kaidan time! YAY! Anyway... Here's chapter 2! Enjoy!**

Chapter 2

Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko sat working tirelessly on his terminal trying to reprogram the GAURDIAN laser turret. It seemed that no matter how many times he reprogramed, recalibrated, or even rebuilt the stupid things, something always seemed to malfunction and take him back to the beginning. He had been stationed on the colony of Horizon for five months, twice as long as any other colony he had been to, and was still no further along than his first week. This really was hell. Kaidan had his suspicions that the turrets were being sabotaged, but quickly dismissed that idea. The colonists hated him being there thus they wanted him to finish his job and get out, that was the only reason they helped him at all.

He gave a heavy sigh as he took notice of the time, 0430. He'd spent all night working on his terminal, _again_. He'd lost track of how many times he had done that during his stay on Horizon. He stood from his chair and stretched his aching muscles. _Well no sense in going to bed, Lilith will be here about a half hour anyway. Might as well watch the news and see if there's anything going on in the galaxy._ Kaidan thought to himself as he turned on his vidscreen.

There was a report about the Destiny Ascension returning from its two year victory cruise around the galaxy. _Must be nice to take two years to celebrate a victory, while the team responsible for the victory couldn't even get the full two weeks of shore leave we had been promised._ Kaidan thought bitterly.

"In other news today, Khalisah al-Jilani attempted to land an interview with the rumored dead spectre, Commander Alexis Shepard. Shepard was believed dead, when the _Normandy_ was destroyed over two years ago. Commander Shepard held her own against al-Jilani's barrage of questions, bull rushing the reporter and preventing a repeat of her interview from two years ago. When asked about Shepard's disappearance both Council officials and Alliance Brass state that they 'are looking into the matter'."

Kaidan froze as an image of a woman he knew to be dead, filled the screen. _That can't be… She was… I_ know _she was…_ "No!" Kaidan stared at the image as he paused the news vid. The woman was a convincing look alike. She had the same sky blue eyes, a rarity nowadays. Golden blonde hair, although she wore it too short; Alexis preferred her long hair and always wore it to her mid-back. But there was something different about this woman… What was it? Kaidan continued to stare at the screen musing about what it was that was different. "The scar!" He finally gasped.

Alexis' trademark scar was missing. She had received the scar during the Blitz when a slaver's blade caught her by surprise, slashing down her face from her eyebrow and down her cheek at a slight angle, luckily missing her eye. Kaidan had traced the scar with his fingers and kisses more once as he and Alexis had laid together in the still of night.

Kaidan stood from his chair and began pacing his room as he growled in frustration. He had been hearing rumors of Shepard sightings for a couple of months. Most of the rumors stated that she was running with Cerberus now, but _his_ Shepard would never ever work with terrorists. _What if they cloned her?... That would explain the lack of scar. Why would they clone her though?... Because if they had Commander Shepard working for them, more people would join up with them… Or could they have found a really convincing look like they have dressed up as her?... Yeah, I like that idea more than cloning. That's it; they have someone they dressed up just like Alexis._

Kaidan nodded with satisfaction was his own theory. His hatred for Cerberus grew at the thought of them using Alexis's name and likeness for their own personal gains. She had been Alliance through and through. If he ever got his hands on their leader… heaven help the man.

Kaidan paused in his own thoughts… _heaven_… Heaven made him think of Alexis. He hadn't felt her presence in over year and a half. Not since that day in the hospital…

He swallowed against the lump forming in his throat. He often wondered if he was still making her proud, and if maybe she had found peace by helping him deal with his pain.

Kaidan still missed her, but he was at least functioning. He'd even allowed himself a couple of dates on the Citadel. Rachel was a sweet woman, and for a few hours he didn't think about Alexis, but after a couple of dates Rachel wanted to go further. He'd left her at her on the doorstep to her apartment that night, with an apology and a farewell. There was no chance for a relationship with her, if she couldn't respect the fact that he was still healing.

"Commander?" a female voice called from the doorway. Kaidan turned to see Lilith standing there with a large tray of food. She did that every morning, at least there was one friendly person on this colony.

"Morning Lilith." Kaidan nodded toward her.

"She's the one huh?" Lilith motioned toward the frozen vid on the screen. Kaidan hadn't realized he's left Shepard's image up. "She's the one you can't get over." That wasn't a question, Kaidan realized.

"I uh… She…. She was my CO on the _Normandy_. Commander Shepard." Kaidan stuttered. Lilith quirked an eyebrow at him as she set the tray down on the small table. "She died."

"So I've heard." Lilith nodded. "But apparently she didn't."

"I think it's a stunt." Kaidan shook his head. "Shepard was spaced when the Normandy exploded. She died."

"So you said before." Lilith smiled at him. "How long were you together?"

"I served with her for just over a year…"

"You know what I meant." Lilith placed her hands on her hips. "How long were you _together_?"

"I… we… uh… Regulations state that we could not be together, even _if_ we had wanted to be, you know, fraternization."

"Commander, I'm not Alliance and I don't care about your rules and regulations. You can admit the truth here; no one is going to court martial you. Besides, if she really died then they have nothing on you. I've seen you staring at someone's holo, I'm sure it was of her, I can see the pain of loss in your eyes." Kaidan just stared at the young woman. "Did you love her?"

"With all my heart and soul." Kaidan finally nodded. "I can't seem to get her out of my system. I would have married her if she hadn't been killed."

"I very sorry Commander. These rumors of her survival must be very hard for you."

"They are. None of this makes any sense to me; Alexis wouldn't have left me behind to work for Cerberus. She loved me just as much. Plus, she wouldn't work for Cerberus at all."

"You should eat Commander, we've got a long day ahead of us." Lilith said after a few moments of silence.

"Thank you Lilith. It feels good to finally admit my feelings for Alexis out loud."

"You're welcome Commander." Lilith grinned. "It helps you to heal if you can admit your feelings. That's probably why you can't get her out of your system; you're still trying to keep it all a secret, meaning that you can't mourn her properly."

"That's very insightful." Kaidan smiled back at her. "Please tell me that there's coffee on this tray."

"Another all-nighter Commander?" Lilith chuckled.

"I just don't understand it. I've recalibrated, reprogramed, and rebuilt those gun towers a dozen times over, and still they're not working right.

"We'll figure it out Commander." Lilith reassured him as he sat down in front of the tray of food.

"You know, sometimes I still look around for Alexis when someone calls me 'Commander'. I'd been a lieutenant for so long, that 'commander' will always be someone else's title." Kaidan chuckled as he picked up his cup of hot coffee.

"I can imagine that." Lilith nodded. "Would you mind if I checked my inbox on your terminal, it's so much faster than mine."

"Go ahead." Kaidan nodded as he took a sip of coffee.

Lilith sat down at his desk in front of the terminal. "Hmm. That's interesting." Lilith said after a few moments.

"What's interesting?" Kaidan asked as he walked over to her, his breakfast forgotten on the table.

"It says there's no connection to the extranet." Lilith pointed out.

"That's impossible, I was just watching the news." Kaidan shook his head.

"I've been here for almost ten minutes Commander, and no telling how long you were pacing your quarters before I got here. It could have gone down in that time."

"I'll go check the comm tower." Kaidan sighed before downing the last few swallows of coffee. "I'm gonna need a lot of coffee today."

XXXXXXXXXX

Kaidan sank back against the cool metal of the prefab building that he was hunkered down by, clutching his pistol to his chest. The attack came out of nowhere and there had been no chance to send off a distress signal. He was sure that Horizon was as good as gone; he could only hope that he wouldn't be found, so he could report back to Anderson. Maybe with his report they can stop any future attacks on other colonies.

He had been surprised when he'd managed to build up his barrier enough to break through the stasis he'd been caught in. He was exhausted and weak due to lack of food and overuse of his biotics trying to break free. He'd barely managed to drag himself into cover behind some crates before collapsing. He knew there wasn't anything he could do against those creatures in his current state and his grip on the pistol grew tighter. He hated being helpless.

Very slowly Kaidan poked his head out of cover, checking for hostiles. Luckily there was none, but sadly there weren't any friendlies either. He hadn't been able to see behind him after being stuck in that stasis. He could only hope that the colonists managed to make it to the safe houses before they too had been stuck in the stasis, Lilith especially.

He sank back into hiding and rested against the building once again. He scolded himself; he should have known something was going to happen when the communications went down. He should have seen the attack coming.

The sound of distant gunfire drew Kaidan out of his musing. _The colonists must be fighting back! If only I could have gotten those turrets online…Wait! That's not guns! That's my GAURDIANS! Who fixed those?_

Kaidan forced himself to his feet and struggled toward the sound of the firefight. He still felt weak, but the small rest he took in hiding helped. At least he could stand and walk... well mostly.

It was then that Kaidan saw the ship. His eyes grew wide as the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He had seen that ship before… _Alchera!_

He called on all his inner strength and ran as fast as his rubbery legs could move, toward the courtyard the turrets were located in, just as the ship took off. "No!" He cried out in frustration. "No! No! _NO!_"

He reached the clearing in time to see Delan yelling at a small group. The first was a tall dark haired woman with icy blue eyes. A turrian stood just a few feet beside her, but not just any turrian… "Garrus!" Kaidan gasped. His eyes began searching the area frantically for _her_.

Alexis stood six feet away from Garrus, glaring at Delan as he continued to yell at her. "I did everything I could." She said in an amazingly calm voice.

"More than most, Shepard." Garrus reassured her. Kaidan walked out into the open, without a second thought, his eyes firmly locked onto Shepard.

"Shepard? I know that name; you're some big hero or something..." Delan sneered.

"Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, first human spectre." Kaidan noticed Alexis' eyes widen in surprise momentarily before she effectively slipped her 'commander' mask back into place. "You're in the presence of a legend Delan, and a ghost."

"Figures, all the good people we lost and you get left behind. Screw this, I'm done with you Alliance types." Delan shook his head and walked off, but Kaidan barely registered anything Delan was saying. He was preoccupied with studying the formerly dead spectre in front of him.

Gingerly he took a few steps toward her. She mimicked his careful steps until they were standing directly in front of each other. She stood like _his_ Alexis, she looked like _his_ Alexis. But she couldn't be his Alexis, she was dead and he _knew_ that. Thoughts of the peaceful meadow penetrated his mind.

"It's good to see you Kaidan." She said after a few moments of awkward silence.

Kaidan shook his head slightly, snapping out of his silent musings. She gave him her half smile, half smirk look that Kaidan had loved so much. He thoughtlessly took the last steps toward her and took her into his arms. Her familiar scent filled his nostrils. "You were dead." He whispered quietly.

"So were you." She whispered back. Kaidan knew at that moment that this was his Alexis. Somehow she was back. "We've both been brought back Kaidan."

"I've missed you so much." Kaidan hiccupped trying to hold back the tears. Slowly his pulled back enough to crush his lips to hers. He savored her sweet taste, so familiar, so sweet, so… Shepard.

As they broke the kiss Alexis leaned forward to rest her forehead against his. "I've missed you too Kaidan, so much."

Kaidan sighed contentedly, Alexis was in his arms alive and well. He dared a glance toward Garrus. The brunette had moved almost directly next to him. Kaidan's eyes widened as he recognized the logo on her uniform, if that's what you could call her catsuit anyway.

Kaidan pulled away from Alexis suddenly and quickly, as if she had stabbed him in the back. Alexis stared at him, hurt and confusion shone brightly in her blue eyes. "Kaidan?"

"Cerberus, Shepard?" Kaidan growled. "Really?"

"Let me explain." Alexis started.

"You left me, for Cerberus! Dammit Shepard! What happened to 'always be here'?"

"It wasn't my choice Kaidan!" She wouldn't admit it, but Kaidan suddenly calling her 'Shepard' rather than 'Alexis' stung.

"How long have you been back? You haven't been with me in nineteen months!" Kaidan took another step backwards.

"Nineteen? Shepard died almost twenty-five months ago." Garrus cut in. Alexis glanced back at the turrian, silently telling him to shut-up.

"Answer me Shepard!" Kaidan resisted the urge to take her by the shoulders and shake her. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Why didn't you come for me?"

"I've been on a Cerberus operating table most of the time Kaidan! A little hard to drop you line when I wasn't even conscious!" Alexis seethed.

"That's how you want to play this?" Kaidan raised a dark eyebrow.

"I'm not playing Kaidan!" She snapped.

"I can't believe all the rumors were true, all the reports…"

"Reports? You mean you already knew?" Garrus cut in once again. Both Kaidan and Alexis seemed ignore him as they stared at each other.

"I'd heard you were alive, that you had faked your own death to join Cerberus. But I didn't believe them, because I _knew_ better. I _knew_ you were somewhere peaceful and you were happy. I _knew_ you were waiting on the meadow. That thought has kept me going for nineteen months, even after I couldn't feel you around me anymore."

"I didn't choose this Kaidan! I wanted to stay on that meadow! If I had had a say in any of this, I would still be there waiting for _you_!"

"I joined you once Alexis!" Kaidan shouted angrily, his face growing red. "You let me be sent back! You said I couldn't be with you!"

"It wasn't your time then Kaidan! Believe me when I say that it was so hard letting you go, again."

"Then why didn't you find me again?" He asked quietly.

"I tried," She whispered. "You're assignment was classified. I had no idea where to even start."

"That wouldn't have stopped you if you really wanted to find me." Kaidan shook his head.

"I hadn't stopped looking for you, then I was told you were here. I came as fast as I could." Alexis looked up at him, unshed tears pooling in the corners. "When I thought the collectors got you…"

"Dammit!" Kaidan sighed. "You know I loved you Alexis. I had loved you with every ounce of my being."

"I know." Alexis nodded. Her heart felt like it was shattering as she realized he was speaking in past tense. "I still love you."

Kaidan remained silent for a long while, he finally let out a sharp breath. "I've got to report to the citadel."

Panic rose in Alexis' gut as she watched Kaidan turn away from her. She wanted to call out to him, make him stay, hold her again, but words failed her. "Don't go Kaidan, I could use a good man like you on my team. It'll be just like old times." She said lamely, silently kicking herself for it.

Kaidan looked back at her, her sky blue eyes filled with hope as a single tear rolled down her cheek. He had the sudden urge to wipe it away and hold her close to him again. She was obviously not over him, and if he was truthful, he was not over her either. His eyes scanned to the offending logo on the brunette once again. Cerberus… he couldn't, _wouldn't_ work for them. Not even for Alexis.

"No it won't. I'm an Alliance soldier, like you used to be." He regretted it the moment he said it as the hope in her eyes fell. She looked crushed and broken standing there. It was killing him to walk away from her, again, but he just couldn't handle Cerberus. "Be careful out there Lex." He added softly, looking away and then continued on his way, before he lost his control and ran back to her. _I still love you too_. He thought to himself, wishing that somehow she could telepathically connect to him.

"Good-bye Kaidan." Alexis whispered into the empty air. "I'll be waiting for you, _always_."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note:** So I actually wrote this last chapter a long time ago, before I saw any previews for ME3 or even read about it. This was my interpretation of how I thought it should start. I forgot that I hadn't posted the last chapter to this story because I was so caught up in another story of mine. A few things are completely wrong for the opening of ME3, (One of which is Kaidan is a 'Major' not a 'Commander' anymore, but I would have had to change some of the scenes and dialog that I have between Kaidan and Shepard) and I didn't want to write a whole new chapter to make it cannon. Besides, I really like this chapter as is, and I'm really sorry that I didn't post it sooner. So, yeah here's an AU opening for ME3. Hope y'all like it!_

Chapter 3

Shepard paced back and forth across the gangway waiting for Councilor Anderson to arrive. Her crew watched her cautiously, reminded of a caged tiger. She would rather be out trying to find the reapers and kicking their asses than sitting docked on the citadel waiting for the council to make a decision about helping her.

"You should sit down, Shepard." Joker said as he turned around to look at her. Alexis turned her sky blue eyes on him, fire blazing ferociously. "You're making the crew uneasy."

"_I'm_ fucking uneasy." She retorted and Joker slightly flinched. Alexis Shepard may have been a hard ass soldier, but she hardly ever cussed, even on the battlefield. "I'm sorry." She said after a few tense moments and finally collapsed into the copilots chair. Apologizing was another thing Alexis rarely did.

"What's got you so wound up?" Joker dared ask. He knew there were only a few handful of people who could get by with poking the caged tiger with a stick and _he _was one of them, after all, who else would fly her pretty little ship into the face of certain death?

"Anderson wants to put _another_ spectre on _my_ ship." Shepard scowled. "Someone to make sure I report in like I'm supposed to and I don't go causing more trouble."

"So a babysitter of sorts?" Joker shook his head.

"Exactly." Shepard snorted. "So you can imagine why I'm so antsy. _I_ have to answer to someone else. The Hero of the Blitz, Savior of the Citadel, the Destructor of the Collectors, All around bad-ass, Commander Fucking Shepard has to _answer_ to someone else. On _my_ fucking ship!"

"From one thumb to the next, eh Commander?" Joker tried to lighten her mood. Alexis let out an exasperated sigh.

"I really hate being humanities wild card." She rested her elbows on the console in front of her and placed her chin in her hands. "Everyone wants to control me in some form or another."

"Must be nice to be the most sought after person in the galaxy." Joker smirked. "We could always mutiny again, or would it really be considered mutiny since _you_ own this ship?"

"It is impossible to mutiny against ones self, Jeff." EDI popped up.

"Thanks for the lesson, Mom." Joker shook his head.

"You're welcome, Jeff."

"EDI, you really need to learn when I'm being sarcastic." Joker shook his head.

"I already know. The tone infliction in your voice rises and you slightly roll your eyes." EDI informed him.

"Then why do you take me so seriously all the time?"

"Perhaps I enjoy causing you to become flustered." Joker's jaw dropped slightly as he stared at blue avatar next to him. Alexis lightly chuckled. Watching Joker and EDI always seemed to cheer her up and lighten her mood. They reminded her of an old married couple... a married couple with severe issues... but an old married couple nonetheless.

The console in front of Joker chimed, letting him know someone was requesting to board the _Normandy._ "Councilor Anderson, and guest, requesting permission to come aboard."

"Permission granted Councilor. Welcome aboard." Shepard replied. She quickly stood from the chair and straightened her appearance as best she could. She still bore a few bruises and cuts from her attack on the collector base.

"Commander Shepard." Anderson nodded as he walked out of the airlock. Shepard took notice that he had the spectre wait in the airlock, her curiosity was peeked.

"Councilor." She replied curtly. "I see you left my new warden out in the airlock."

"Shepard." Anderson shook his head. "I'm not having him babysit you. You are still able to run your own ship anyway you see fit. I am assigning another spectre to your ship in order to keep the rest of the council at ease with your full reinstatement. He is here merely to report to me and the other council to prove that you have the council's best interests at heart."

"With all due respect, Councilor." Alexis inwardly grinned, silently thanking Ash for the saying. "I _don't_ have the council's interests at heart, I have _only one_ goal. Save the fucking galaxy from the threat of extinction. I could care less if I'm representing the council. All I need is funding and new weapons in order to kick the reapers asses."

"Then there is no reason to not play nicely Shepard." Anderson tucked his hands behind his back and stood straighter, which made him appear three inches taller. "You are _not_ reporting to the other spectre, He is here to report to _me, _so that _you _can have said funding."

"I'm not getting much choice here, am I?" Shepard crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned back against the bulkhead as Anderson raised an eyebrow. "Very well, show him in. I'll be kind enough to show him to his quarters."

"You _cannot_ lock him in his quarters either, Shepard." Anderson chuckled.

"I _wasn't _thinking that." She argued. Anderson turned around and opened the airlock once again and motioned for the other person to come aboard. Shepard's jaw nearly hit the ground and her heart seemed to stop beating, or maybe it was beating too fast.

"Ka... mmander Alenko?" Shepard caught herself, as she stared between the two men. It had only been five months since she had last seen Kaidan. "When did you become a spectre?"

"I was a spectre the last time you saw me." Kaidan replied in his calm neutral voice, seemingly devoid of any emotion.

"On horizon?"

"I've been a spectre for over a year now." Kaidan nodded. "Although it's a well guarded secret only a handful of people even know about."

"Great, this is just fucking great." Alexis grumbled. Kaidan was surprised to hear her curse, but didn't let it show on the outside. He was bound determined to not let her know how much just seeing her affected him. After all he _had_ walked away from her on Horizon, she was probably still mad at him or worse, had moved on.

"You said you would play nicely Shepard." Anderson chided. "Show Commander Alenko to his quarters."

"Yes sir." She replied suppressing the urge to roll her eyes.

"Regular reports Alenko, once a week. Keep her in line."

"As if _he_ could keep me in line." Shepard retorted without thinking. "I mean... Oh forget it." She started down the gangway well aware of the eyes following her.

"This is still your ship Shepard. I'm not here to tell you what to do, I'm here to help." Kaidan called out to her, and her steps faltered.

Shepard turned to look at Kaidan. He stared at her, his face emotionless, until she locked eyes with him. His amber eyes were filled with regret and pain that he carefully hid, but couldn't hide from her. Suddenly breathing became all too hard for her. She knew at that moment, Kaidan still loved her.

"I..." She started before licking her dry lips.

"There's nothing to say Shepard." Kaidan shook his head. _Not here anyway. _ He thought, hoping that she could read his thoughts.

"I'll show you to your quarters. They won't be as... uncomfortable as I had originally intended." Shepard nodded.

"Oh come on! You're giving him the observation room aren't you?" Joker bellowed from the cockpit. "You were going to stick him down in Jack's old haunting!"

"The spectre is a _guest_." Shepard replied. "We make our guests comfortable."

"You're just being nice because it's Alenko." Joker rolled his eyes.

"Actually that would be _more_ of a reason to be mean." Shepard retorted. Anderson just shook his head.

"I'll trust you two to _not_ kill each other, and go save the galaxy." Anderson commented before excusing himself. Kaidan and Alexis both saluted Anderson before he left through the airlock again.

"Come on." Shepard nodded to Kaidan before starting down the gangway. "Joker, get us airborne. I want to see Liara, like yesterday." She called over her shoulder.

"Got it Shepard." Joker replied.

Kaidan followed Shepard silently through the CIC and into the elevator. She pressed the button for the crew deck and then leaned back against the wall. "You didn't tell me you were a spectre."

"You didn't tell me your were alive." Kaidan retorted. It came out harsher than he had intended it, and silently kicked himself for that.

"Touche." She replied cooly. They arrived on the crew deck and Shepard led him to the observation room. "I had an Asari Justicar living here, but since she has fulfilled the obligations to her pledge, she has returned to Asari space to seek out injustice, but will be ready to aid me in my quest should I need her assistance again."

"That's the long hand way of saying that she went home after surviving your mission, but if you need her again she'll come back."

"Right." Alexis grinned. "Anyway, I'll Uh... Let you get settled and then give you a grand tour. Although it's similar enough to the SR-1 that you could probably figure it out."

"Your quarters are just over there?" Kaidan gestured toward the mess hall where Miranda's office was.

"No, actually that's Miranda's." Shepard shrugged.

"Then where...?"

"The loft." Shepard cut him off. "It's the very top floor, it's more of a suite than quarters though."

"Must be nice." Kaidan said sarcastically.

"You shouldn't be talking, look at this room. You have a whole observation deck to yourself."

"I wasn't meaning to be rude." Kaidan sighed.

"Look, it's been a long day for me. Get yourself settled and have EDI contact me when your ready for a tour." Alexis sighed as she ran a hand through her shoulder length, golden blonde hair.

"Why'd you cut your hair?" Kaidan asked suddenly before she could get out the door.

"I didn't. When I woke up, it was barely more than a couple inches long. Miranda said they had intentions to grow it out to my preferred length, but they had to wake me up a little early." Alexis shrugged. "It's grown a bit since I saw you."

"Yeah, it was barely to your ears then." Kaidan chuckled. "I like your long hair, but the shorter hair looks good too. It's a bit more spunky like your personality."

"Well, I'm not the only one with a new 'do'." Alexis smiled. "It's going to take a bit of time to adjust to _your _shorter hair, but it looks good. Especially when you leave your stubble on your jawline like it is now."

"You know me, shave in the morning and have five o'clock shadow before lunch." Kaidan laughed.

"I really missed you Kaidan." Alexis said softly after they shared a laugh.

"I missed you too Lex." Kaidan replied. Tenderness shown in his amber eyes, melting Alexis' heart. "There hasn't been a day I didn't regret not going with you on Horizon."

"I tried to find you Kaidan, I swear I did." Alexis bit on her bottom lip, she fought the urge to slip on her 'commander' mask and hide her emotions. She knew that doing so, would only push Kaidan further away, he had to see her vulnerable side again. He had to see _Alexis_.

"I know you did." Kaidan nodded. "Anderson told me about your discussion with him. I really let him have an earful for it."

"Why Kaidan Alenko, _you_ were insubordinate?" Alexis grinned.

"Learned from the best." Kaidan returned her grin. "Of course you do realize that I technically _outrank _you right now."

"Oh really?" She smirked. "You think you're really going to be able to order _Commander Shepard_ around do you Commander Alenko?"

"I could try, but I think I know you well enough to know you wouldn't listen to me anyway. It's your ship and we're both spectres anyway."

"True, but I could use your line on you now." Alexis tapped a finger to her lips. "I believe you said, 'I've enjoyed serving under you'. Or something like that."

"I wasn't meaning literally at that point." Kaidan laughed. "Besides if I recall correctly _you _served under _me _most of that night."

"Only because you managed to pin me underneath you. You're bigger and stronger than me." Shepard laughed.

"True, so I could pin you right here, right now, and you couldn't fight me off." Kaidan gave her a lopsided grin that sent butterflies dancing in her stomach. He slowly began to close the gap between them as she backed against the wall. "I've been wanting to do this for the last five months." Kaidan whispered before he pressed his lips to hers.

Alexis melted into his arms and pressed her body against his allowing him to wrap his arms around her back and pull her even closer to him. A soft moan escaped her throat, and Kaidan took advantage of the open mouth, delving his tongue deep into her warm moist cavern. She met his tongue with her own and wrapped her arms around his neck forcing his mouth harder onto hers.

Kaidan broke the kiss and began trailing gentle ghost like kisses along her jaw line. "I love you Alexis." He breathed against her slender neck.

"I love you too, Kaidan." She replied, her own voice breathy and deep. Quickly she pushed him back away from her and began to straighten her appearance. Kaidan stared at her with a hurt expression. "I promised you a tour of the ship, and this room doesn't have a lock on it." She explained. Kaidan made a small 'o' shape with his mouth and nodded.

"I'll uh, change out of my armor and into my BDU's." Kaidan suggested.

"It's technically a civilian ship, wear what you're comfortable in." Alexis shrugged.

"You're in BDU's." Kaidan pointed out.

"That's because I wanted to look professional for whoever Anderson was bringing aboard. Had I known it was you I might have worn that dress Kasumi got for me." She gave him a wink before stepping out into the hall to give him some privacy to change.

Kaidan released a sharp breath. He hadn't realized how easy it would be to fall back into step with Alexis, it was as if nothing had changed between them. Although he knew sometime they were going to have a long talk about what _had_ changed between them.

He quickly changed out of his armor, and into his standard issue BDU's. Despite Alexis' plea to wear something comfortable he wanted to portray himself as professional to everyone, especially to Alexis. Just as he was about to step out the door a large blue avatar popped up.

"Shepard has requested you join her in engineering to begin the tour of the ship." The disembodied voice of the ship's _VI_ chimed. Kaidan simply nodded and opened the door. "It is typical of human mannerisms to at least say thank you or acknowledge that you understood the request from the messenger."

"Uh... Sorry..." Kaidan quirked an eyebrow. "Thank you."

"You are quite welcome Commander Alenko. I am most pleased to see the man Shepard has been mooning over is finally aboard the Normandy and back at her side. I can see why she likes you, you're features are aesthetically pleasing according to human standards and you have a kind heart."

"Uh..." Kaidan stood there open mouthed just staring at the blue avatar.

"I should introduce myself, I am EDI. Should you need anything feel free to call on me. I am everywhere."

"Thanks... EDI." Kaidan replied.

"You're welcome Commander Alenko. Shepard is waiting for you."

"Got it, on my way."

"Logging you out Commander." EDI then disappeared. Kaidan made his way to the elevator, slowly shaking his head. Did he really just have a conversation with the ship's VI? Kaidan leaned back against the wall as the elevator made it's decent to the engineering deck.

Kaidan suddenly stood up straight, his amber eyes wide. "EDI, you're an AI!"

"That is correct Commander Alenko." EDI appeared in the elevator just off to the side of the doors as they slid open. Shepard stood there leaning against the wall, waiting for him.

"You have an AI on your ship!" Kaidan exclaimed as he met her gaze.

"She's harmless." Shepard shrugged. "Actually, she's quite funny when you listen to her and Joker get into it. They're like an old married couple or something... besides, if you're freaking out about EDI then I shouldn't tell you about Legion."

"Legion?"

"Our resident pet Geth." Shepard grinned as Kaidan fumbled in his steps.

"Geth! Shepard after everything that those things..."

"Legion is different Kaidan." She shook her head. "Legion can actually talk and he wants to take down the Reapers. The _true_ geth are on my side."

"What?" Kaidan's jaw fell open once again.

"Kaidan!" Tali squealed as Shepard led the dumbfounded Commander Alenko into engineering.

"Tali?" Kaidan asked in disbelief. Tali threw her arms around his neck and Kaidan found himself hugging her back. "What are you doing here?"

"Helping Shepard of course." Tali laughed. She pulled back and placed her hands on her curvy hips. "The question is, why weren't you here?"

"I uh..." Kaidan looked over to Shepard, who crossed her arms over her chest.

"Tali doesn't know about Horizon, Kaidan. Unless Garrus told her."

"He said Kaidan wouldn't join us. Why is that Kaidan?"

"I uh... it's complicated." Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck.

"You couldn't handle the fact that she really was alive, right?"

"Yeah, we'll go with that."

"It was mostly the Cerberus thing though, right?" Tali cocked her head to the side as she looked Kaidan over. "I had a hard time with that, but in the end I decided I was working for Shepard not Cerberus. It's all a matter of perspective."

"I wish I had thought of that on Horizon." Kaidan mumbled.

"Perhaps things have played out for the best." Shepard cut in. "You're here now and that's all that matters. We've got some reapers to kill. We'll see you at dinnertime Tali, keep up the good work."

"Sure thing Shepard. See you later Kaidan." Tali waved as Shepard led Kaidan out of engineering. Over the next hour Kaidan met her entire crew, was reunited with Garrus and Dr. Chakwas, and glared at Legion while asked him question after question. Even after a ten minute interrogation, Kaidan wasn't completely convinced that Legion wouldn't go berserk and kill them all. He planned to keep an eye on the geth.

Shepard and Kaidan finally made their way back to the cockpit. Joker turned his seat around to look up at his former best friend. "You two kiss and make up so I don't have to choose sides?" Joker smirked. "Just so you know Alenko, I'd side with Shepard. She's got a really big gun."

"I don't think choosing sides will be necessary Joker." Shepard shook her head.

"I think Lex and I are on speaking terms at least." Kaidan offered her a small smile, which she returned.

"Ugh, you're calling her Lex again already!" Joker scowled. "You'll be moving into the loft by next week."

"Good to see you again too Joker." Kaidan laughed. "See you at dinner?"

"If I decide to look at you while I eat." Joker replied with a laugh. "You might make me lose my appetite."

"Love you too sweetheart." Kaidan teased.

"Yeah, yeah cupcake. Go have some private time with your commander." Joker waved a hand to shoo him out of the cockpit.

"That's the best idea I've ever heard from you." Kaidan chuckled.

"Ew, gross. I so didn't need to know that... I don't need to be picturing you naked. Now a naked Shepard on the other hand..."

"One more word Joker and I swear I'll kick you out the airlock, _without_ a space suit." Shepard warned, her blue eyes narrowed at her pilot.

"Then who would you get to fly your pretty little ship?" Joker raised an eyebrow toward her.

"If you forget I'm not a bad pilot myself and I have Alenko here again. We could fly this ship without much problem."

"There is also the fact that I do not need a pilot to run this ship." EDI added as her blue avatar popped up beside Joker.

"No fair EDI, you're supposed to be on my side. The _Normandy_ is my baby." Joker retorted.

"Would that not be contrary to your constant use of the term 'Mom' for me?" EDI questioned. "I _am _the _Normandy_ Jeff. I cannot be your mother _and_ your baby. That is atomically and biologically impossible."

"I uh..." Joker sputtered as he stared at EDI.

"She got you Joker." Shepard grinned.

"Just log out EDI."

"Do not take the loss of verbal jousting with me too harshly, Jeff. I am still your friend." EDI replied before disappearing from the cockpit.

"That was mean, I'm just done." Joker rolled his eyes as he turned his seat around. Kaidan, who had been trying his best to contain his amusement, doubled over as he let loose a torrent of laughs.

"You were... so right." Kaidan gasped out between laughs. "They're funny."

"Told ya." Alexis just grinned.

"Glad I can be of some amusement for the new spectre." Joker grumbled.

"Bye Joker, see you at dinnertime." Shepard gently patted his shoulder.

"If I'm not still mad." Joker rolled his eyes.

"Right." Shepard nodded with a smile. She motioned for the still chuckling Kaidan to follow her back to the elevator. "So what do you think?"

"I think you have an interesting team."

"You should have been here before some of them disembarked." Shepard grinned. "I would have paid money to see you handle Jack."

"Jack?"

"Convict that I picked up from purgatory." Shepard shrugged as Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "She's supposedly the most powerful biotic human in existence. True she was incredibly powerful, but she lacked control which in my terms brought down stature. I still believe you to be the best biotic, but I might just be biased."

"I think your biased Lex." Kaidan gave her his lopsided grin again. "Besides, from what I hear, you're even more powerful than before and we were pretty close in power levels."

"I'm an L5 now." Shepard nodded.

"Care to take me on sometime?"

"I'd love too." Shepard grinned. There was nothing she enjoyed more than a good sparring match, well maybe she liked an actual fight more, especially if she got to shoot her guns.

"You just tell me when and where." Kaidan took a step closer to her just as the elevator stopped, but he didn't seem to notice. His amber eyes met her sky blue ones as they stood there in the elevator, just staring at one another. The air between them grew heavy and tense.

"We're at the loft." Alexis barely whispered.

"So." Kaidan replied before he claimed her lips with his own. Alexis molded against him and he could feel the heat from her body radiating into his own. She felt so much better in his arms without the armor between them. God, how he'd missed her.

"I missed you too." She said softly as their kiss broke.

"Now who's the mind reader?" Kaidan chuckled.

"I could tell that's what you were thinking." She smiled. She grasped his hand and pulled him off the elevator and into her quarters.

"Wow!" Kaidan gasped as they stepped into the large room. "Just, wow!"

"I know, it took me a while to get used to this amount of space. I'm so used to cramped or shared quarters." Alexis laughed. She left Kaidan standing in the doorway as she made her way down the stairs. "And the bed isn't Alliance issue."

"Meaning that it isn't hard as a rock." Kaidan chuckled. "Nice fish tank, but I don't picture you as the small pet type."

"True." Alexis nodded. "Well fish type pets anyway. I killed three batches before I decided to give up. I have however, kept that space hamster alive for four months. Even survived the mission through the omega 4 relay with me."

"You have a hamster?" Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "I always pictured you as the dog type."

"Ah, you would be correct there. I love dogs." Alexis smiled. "But it's hard to keep a dog on a ship. The hamster has made due. I wasn't planning on getting him, but he looked up at me in the pet shop and I just couldn't resist. His eyes practically screamed, 'Take me home!' So I did."

"You're insane Lex." Kaidan shook his head.

"Think I'm lying, he's on the shelf behind you." She shrugged. "Just look at him."

Kaidan sighed and turned around to see a glass cage sitting on the shelf. He took a step closer and noticed a small rodent slip out of his warm home. Kaidan met the little hamster's gaze and smiled. "I see what you mean, he's pretty cute in the diseased vermin sort of way."

"That's not very nice." Alexis shook her head. "He's cute and someone to talk to."

"You talk to him?"

"Sure."

"What's his name."

"Kaidan." Alexis grinned.

"You named the rodent after me? I don't know if I should be insulted..." Kaidan froze as he noticed the holoframe on her desk come to life. He stared down at his own picture. "Even after Horizon you still carried me with you?"

"Always." Alexis said softly as she moved back up the stairs to stand next to him.

"I'm so sorry I didn't go with you." Kaidan said after a moment of silence.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for Kaidan." Alexis turned and placed her hand on his cheek. "I don't know how I would have reacted had our situations been reversed. You had to deal with my death for two years, and then I was suddenly in front of you. That would make anyone snap."

"But I should have just been thankful that you were alive again, not questioned what _I_ thought you should have done. I should have known you would have done anything and everything in your power to find me. I doubted your feelings for me, and for that I can't forgive myself."

"Kaidan..." Alexis paused. Rather than trying comfort him with words she pressed her lips to his and wrapped her arms tightly around him. Kaidan responded in like and pulled her body flush against his as he deepened the kiss. Once they pulled apart he gazed into her eyes, desire burned brightly in her blue eyes like a fire. "I need you Kaidan. I need you back on my team and by my side. I need you in my life. I'm not as strong without you."

"I'll never leave you again Alexis. I swear it." Kaidan replied, his voice deep and husky with arousal. "Even if you order me, I'm not leaving you."

"I don't think I can order you around anymore, Staff Commander." Alexis smirked.

"That's true." Kaidan returned her smirk. "In that case Lieutenant Commander, on the bed now."

"Oh, ordering the great Commander Shepard around now are we?" Alexis raised an eyebrow. Kaidan gave a low growl as he scooped her up over his shoulder.

"I'm not waiting for you to follow orders." Kaidan said as he carried her over to the bed. He gently dropped her onto her back before climbing onto the bed beside her. He began kissing and biting at her neck with enthusiasm as she moaned and arched her back. She'd been craving his touch since she awoke alone in that Cerberus base.

"EDI, lockdown procedures. No one is to be allowed access to the loft until I give the all clear. Inform Miranda I'm taking personal time until further notice."

"Acknowledged Commander, logging you out." EDI replied.

"Oh thinking you're going to get lucky or something Alexis?" Kaidan chuckled as he released her neck.

"Don't make me lock the door Kaidan." Alexis raised an eyebrow. "Cause I'll do it and tie you to the bed if I have to."

"I don't think you could take me down." Kaidan smirked at her. "But I wasn't planning to leave."

"Good." Alexis grinned. She placed her hands on either side of his face and pulled him back down to her, claiming his lips with her own. Kaidan's arms circled around her waist and pulled her body flush against his.

Alexis let out a small gasp as she felt his hardness pressed against her belly. Kaidan took advantage of her open mouth and delved his tongue deep inside her cavern. Alexis wrapped her fingers in his wavy locks and pulled him harder onto her. Kaidan responded by grinding his hips against hers, both let out a low groan.

Kaidan slowly began peeling her clothes off of her, slapping her hands away every time she tried to undress him. "Just lay back Lex, let me enjoy you."

"God Kaidan! You're driving me insane, I want you so bad!" Alexis whined as she once again reached for the hem of his shirt.

"No." Kaidan shook his head with a smile as he pushed her hand away again. Alexis let out a growl of frustration and placed her hands on the bed. It didn't take him long to have her down to her bra and underwear, himself still fully clothed.

"Please Kaidan, I want to touch you." Alexis whined again. She wasn't one to beg, but dammit, she wanted to touch Kaidan's smooth skin in the worst way.

"Not yet Lex." Kaidan smiled at her.  
>"Why?" Alexis cried. "This isn't fair."<p>

"You'll see." Kaidan smirked before he attacked her neck once again. His hand snaked behind her back and released the clasp on her bra. Without breaking stride he slipped the straps from her shoulder and pulled the material away from her firm full breast.

Kaidan bent his head down and sucked one nipple into his mouth, teasing the sensitive bud with his tongue. Alexis arched her back off the bed as if trying to push herself further into his mouth. A deep, lusty moan escaped her mouth. He could feel the vibrations of her moan through her chest as he continued to suckle on her.

He switched breasts as he pushed his hand between her thighs. Alexis' breath caught in her throat as he touched her womanhood through her underwear. Kaidan pulled the cotton material to the side with one finger and let his middle finger slid up to her warm wetness.

"Kaidan!" Alexis gasped as her hips snapped up. Without a word Kaidan sank his finger deep into her moist folds.

"Oh, Lex. You feel so good." Kaidan groaned. He probed into her for a bit longer before pulled away and sliding her underwear down her creamy, smooth legs. He smiled at her as he positioned himself between her legs and slowly slid himself into her. They moaned in unison as they finally joined as one.

Alexis wrapped her legs around his hips, trying to urge him to plunge deeper and faster into her, but Kaidan refused her silent urging as he savored the feeling of her walls expanding to accommodate him. Finally he was buried to the hilt inside of her, he let out a low breathy moan and he slipped his hands under her shoulders and lifted her off the bed forcing himself even deeper into her channel.

"Oh God Lex!" He groaned. Alexis wrapped her arms around his neck to keep from falling back against the bed. She closed her eyes and chewed on her bottom lip, relishing the feeling of fullness that no other man had ever given her. Kaidan seemed to fit her like a key to lock, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

"Kaidan, please." She all but whimpered as she gave him mini thrusts with her own hips. Kaidan released a hissing breath as his grip tightened on her shoulders.

"I won't last long Lex, let me savor this."

"Please Kaidan, I need you, now." She opened her eyes and met his gaze. His soft amber eyes spoke of his love with so much volume that it threatened to overwhelm her. Slowly she brought her hand to his cheek and gently cupped it. "I love you, more than anything in this galaxy." She said tenderly, her voice on the verge of cracking with emotion.

"Marry me then." Kaidan replied, his own voice thick with emotion as well. "Be my wife."

Alexis stared at him bewildered for a moment. She had never thought of settling down, nor had she even expected to live until retirement. Going out in a blaze of glory had been her only thought since becoming an N7, but now as she sat impaled on Kaidan's manhood and held tightly in his arms there was nothing in the galaxy she wanted more than to find a quiet place and be Mrs. Alenko. Her heart swelled with love as she saw herself growing old with him.

"Yes." She grinned. "Yes." She kissed him with such fierceness that it toppled them over onto Kaidan's back. He held her close as he kissed her back.

"When... when can we..."

"Tomorrow, we can have a shotgun wedding before I have to go to Earth." Alexis grinned.

"For real? You'll really marry me tomorrow?" Kaidan brushed a strand of her blonde hair out of her face.

"Of course." Alexis nodded. "You realize that I'll still have to be Commander Shepard, kind of confusing with two Commander Alenko's on the same ship."

"I'm sure most will be calling me Mr. Shepard rather than you being Mrs. Alenko." Kaidan teased. "And you know what? I don't mind one bit, I'm just so happy that you'll be mine."

"And I'll always be yours, forever and ever." Alexis grinned. She managed to squirm her way out of his grasp and sat up straight so she was straddling him. "Now, I do believe that it's time you served under me for the time being."

"What ever you say ma'am." Kaidan smirked as he laid back, leaving his hands on her hips.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Alexis was guided down the hall toward her makeshift cell, her hands trembled and her heart pounded in her ears. They'd stripped her of her command, taken her ship, and forced her into this ridiculous trial. At least her team had either split before they'd reached Alliance space or they had been granted amnesty and therefore accompanied her back to Earth.

The door closed quietly, but in her mind it was a loud bang as she was sealed off from the rest of the world. She slowly sank down on the bed and stared out the window, her fingers gently pulled on the simple silver chain around her neck until they reached the delicate gold band at the end.

She ran her thumb over the smooth metal, feeling it's precious weight in her hand. She'd always have Kaidan with her, no matter how far apart the Alliance or Council tried to keep them. Tears stung her blue eyes as she recalled the lovely ceremony her teammates, no, her _friends_ had managed to throw together for her and Kaidan. It hadn't been a next day affair like she'd promised, in fact they'd been engaged for a week before they'd docked in a remote colony having decided to avoid any public displays. Kaidan and Alexis had only told the crew about the wedding plans the same day they docked.

Miranda had found her a simple white gown, where she found it Shepard didn't know, nor did she ask. It was strapless, something she herself wouldn't have chose but it looked good on her anyway. It ran to just below her knee hugging her curves all the way down. She also helped Alexis to curl and style her hair.

Liara had taken time off, leaving Feron in charge of the Shadow Broker's affairs for the time being. She had shown up with flowers for Alexis, roses and lilies from Earth.

Jacob had procured them a cake, although the words said 'Happy Birthday' it was still a cake. He even managed to find a little bride and groom to put on it. It was kind of comical to see the figurines standing proudly under the 'Happy Birthday', but still Jacob had done well given their limited resources and time.

Tali and Kelly had spent the morning decorating the mess hall for the impromptu wedding. Tali also took time to program a drone to play music that Kelly had taken time to search the extranet for; A collection of love songs played during the whole ceremony.

Joker spent most of the time trying to convince Kaidan to wait until he'd had a decent bachelor party, but Kaidan insisted he didn't need a party with half naked Asari strippers. Joker scoffed and replied that it was pointless to be the best man if he couldn't throw an outrageous party. Although Joker was the one who recruited a local judge to perform the ceremony.

Garrus, whom Shepard trusted above all but Kaidan, walked her down the 'aisle' and gave her away. It could have been her imagination, but it looked like the hard shelled turian shed a tear as he slid her hand into Kaidan's.

And Kaidan, oh Kaidan... Alexis's breath caught in her throat as she recalled him standing at stairs in his dress blues. He looked absolutely breathtaking and the pure joy in his eyes made him all the more handsome in her eyes. She'd never seen him so happy, well until she said 'I do' and the judge pronounced them man and wife. She thought his head was going to explode, he seemed so joyous.

The crew was given a 24 hour shore leave, although most stayed on the ship. It was the one time that Shepard allow alcohol onto the _Normandy_. She herself had been quite tipsy before Kaidan had managed to collect her and take her up to their quarters for their "honeymoon".

Both she and Kaidan had worn their matching rings for a week before they both placed them on a silver chain around their necks. They didn't want to chance the wrong person seeing the rings and word getting out that the two human spectres were married, even though it was the truth.

Knowing that her _husband_ was waiting for her on the outside gave her the courage and strength to face whatever this trial could throw at her. She trusted Kaidan to be waiting for her in that courtroom, offering her his silent comfort. He would be standing with open arms when she was found innocent and set free. Should she be found guilty of being a war criminal she trusted Kaidan, and of course Garrus, to make sure the job got done and the reapers were stopped. Then get his butt back to Earth and find some way to get her out of prison.

Alexis tipped the ring in the light, barely catching the inscription on the inside. She didn't need to see it to know what it said, she knew it by heart the first time she read it. "NO MATTER WHERE, I'M ALWAYS WITH YOU"

"I'll hold you to that Kaidan." She whispered as she clutched the ring into her fist. "I'll hold you to that."

_**Author's Note 2: **I know a lot of other people are really upset about the ending to Mass Effect 3 so I thought I'd take a moment to share my opinion on it. I was on the verge of tears as Shepard said good-bye to her friends on her way to met with Anderson. Each little speech was so moving, especially Kaidan's. Although I would have loved if he'd blurted out 'Marry me' or something like that, but still... He made me cry with his 'I can't lose you again'. And Garrus... OMG I was crying when I finished talking to him. Fantastic job!_

_ I wasn't mad that Shepard dies, hell I thought it was really moving and meaningful to sacrifice herself (or himself) in order to end the cycle.(I chose Synthesis) And I loved the flashes of people as she dies, I got Joker, Anderson, and Kaidan. (not sure who anyone else got but both my playthroughs gave me those three) The part I was furious about was the complete lack of closure for my team. The ship crashes in the middle of nowhere and we don't even know how the hell they got there, why they were even in FTL drive, who survived, or what's going to happen to the galaxy thanks to Shepard's sacrifice. _

_ Of course like most everyone else, I was hoping for a happy ending with Shepard surviving and getting back to Kaidan so they can live happily ever after. And lots of Shenko babies! LOL (I'm a girl, so sue me) One thing's for sure, I'm watching for DLC's for ME3. _

_ Despite the open-ended ending, it's still an absolutely amazing game. I've recommended it to everyone that I know plays video games. I wasn't a gamer before playing the original Mass Effect, but now I can spend ten hours playing and not realize I've been sitting for that long. I've lost lots of sleep because of the trilogy._

_ Thank you so much Bioware for such an amazing and captivating game! Totally love you guys! Now just fix the ending and I'll be completely happy! LOL_


End file.
